What makes a lover

Nor do you allow others to harm or disrespect you. Sexual power is not just who you are in bed, though that's an aspect of it. You also make electric linkages to your body, to spirit, to a lover, to the universe. It's a turn on when sexual power is blended with spiritual power. Too many of us in our heady, frantic world lack the rich experience of having a primal connection with someone. Sexuality can offer us this, a satisfaction you can never get from your intellect alone.

As you open to both sex and spirit, whether you're single or part of a couple, you'll be a vessel for erotic flow, enjoying pleasure without insecurities or inhibitions. A key aspect of sexual power is emotional intimacy, an instinctive desire to bond to a lover, to feel comfort, to be known. This makes the difference between pure physical sex and lovemaking. Emotional intimacy comes from affection, from sharing feelings, from being vulnerable. By caring you reinforce each other's attractiveness and make each other feel special.

As friends and lovers, you are fundamentally there for each other which creates trust. You see each other as real people, the good and the bad, not some idealized version.

When conflict, anger, or hurt feelings arise, you're committed to working through them. What makes a good lover? There's an electric chemistry between couples that is unique to them. Smell, voice, touch, and kissing style all figure in. Technical skills and good hygiene are also important.

But beyond these, here are some characteristics to look for. What stops us from being good lovers? Frequently it's time constraints, self-centeredness, inhibitions, and lack of technique. Also, our minds won't shut off which keeps us from being in the moment. Further, many of us resist surrendering to how sexy we really are. We haven't learned to see ourselves as sexy. We've been brainwashed by the "skinny ideal. Growing up, most of us haven't been given the right kind of education about what true sexiness is.

If only we'd been taught that sexuality is a healthy, natural part of us that we must embody in a mindful, loving way -- not something "dirty" or something to be ashamed of. Early on we learn that the words vagina and penis embarrass people.

Except between lovers, they are rarely ever part of our vocabulary. We are a culture that embraces shame, only there is nothing to be ashamed of! Sexual responsiveness is a sensitive barometer. Intimacy requires self-awareness and a willingness to remove obstacles.

Taking action can help you achieve a loving, erotic relationship. So in the spirit of love, here are the four things to focus on to be a good lover:. One percent of Americans have Body Dysmorphic Disorder; the rest of us may have a plethora of issues minor to major in our self-perception based on varying circumstances and hormonal cycles.

Learning to love your body is a skill that takes honest work. The most loving thing you can do for your sexual partner is to be willing to work through any obstacles you have about the way you look and feel about yourself. Feeling comfortable with exactly how you are in this moment gives you a freedom in your loving, sexual expression.

On the low end: Open-heartedness is trusting yourself. On the high end: Open-heartedness is bringing the experience of un-conditionality into your sexual experience. That means a complete openness to your partner and their needs in addition to the ability to know and express your needs to your partner. From a fully accountable position, we let people treat us how they do. Rarely does bad behavior just present itself all at once. If it did, that would be much easier to deal with.

Un-loving behavior happens in increments over time. Being present in your sexual relationship requires courage. As you know, a natural response to being uncomfortable is contraction- —to pull back emotionally or withhold sexual expression. Letting yourself receive your partner on all levels creates an unforgettable experience. When you love yourself and meet your own needs, you allow yourself to show authentic interest in your partner —who they are, what they like, their needs, and your sexual expression with them.

The ability to love someone else is rooted in loving yourself. Tracee specializes in grief counseling, energy dynamics, Shamanic healing, past life and soul recovery, transition strategy, addiction transformation, and space clearings.

As a multi-sensitive, Tracee blends information that she receives intuitively with different modalities to create a unique healing plan for every client.