When we argue, we communicate things that make us unhappy. When done effectively, it can help develop a greater understanding between partners and lead to a stronger relationship. While you should not assume that bickering means the end of the relationship, it is important to notice when it becomes the go-to method of communication. This can be an unhealthy sign of communication breakdown. How can you tell the difference between normal bickering and a serious relationship problem?
Here are a few tips. If you tend to bicker more often than not, that can be a sign that there is a problem. While regular bickering is normal, most of the communication in your relationship should not be negative. When you and your partner find yourselves consistently arguing, there is likely a bigger, underlying issue at play that cannot be effectively resolved through bickering.
In the heat of the moment, it is often difficult to have a productive conversation. We often resort to arguing when we are stressed, sometimes about something that has little to do with the topic of the argument. When you are in this heightened state, it can be impossible to come to a resolution. It is OK to end an argument before reaching a resolution, as long as you can amicably revisit the issue at a later time.
It is unhealthy for partners to continuously place blame on the other for problems in the relationship. Accusations come from a place where we are unable, or unwilling, to see our own part in an undesirable outcome. Relationships are partnerships, and both partners should be able to openly discuss the roles they play in creating a problem. Insults are often deployed with the intention of hurting the other person. They are meant to be a distraction from the problem at hand, and indicate a lack of respect for the victim, and for the relationship.
While bickering is a result of disagreement, the things we bicker about tend to be less consequential. I love her and I love you. So I feel caught in between the two of you. Blame is easy. The second is much, much more vulnerable — and thus, more difficult. The good news? Your relationship still has passion and intensity, and that can be channeled into healthier directions.
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Whatever the case may be, you'll want to work on together before it gets worse — or call in the help of a therapist. Remember, it's always OK to reach out to friends and family for relationship advice. Instead of bickering with you partner online, you may find a time to talk with your friends privately, vent about your relationship , and get their advice. Choosing to keep the bickering offline is a good thing, not only for yourself and your partner, but also the relationship.
Some couples find themselves bickering almost as a form of entertainment. And while that's OK to a degree, you will want to check in with yourselves occasionally to make sure it isn't taking a negative toll on your relationship. If, for example, either of you gets a thrill out of the fight, it may be becoming a toxic habit, Bennett says. He points to research that shows it's even possible to become "addicted" to the negative emotions bickering stirs up. You can easily fall into a toxic feedback loop, he says, and not even realize how bad it's getting.
That's why it's important to remain aware of how you communicate with each other , and assess whether the bickering still feels OK.
If either of you is upset or stressed, it may be time to cut back. If you've been bickering incessantly, you may find that you're starting to walk on eggshells around each other, in order to prevent yet another argument. And that can be a huge red flag.
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